You can't special order awesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize