Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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