You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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