just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
