Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
