I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
