My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
