No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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