They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
