I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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