he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
