Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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