That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
