it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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