I accidentally burped into my bong.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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