Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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