Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think my vagina is haunted
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize