Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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