Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
