Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
