I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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