i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
