Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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