lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize