I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
