I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
