Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
