I can tuck mytits in my pants
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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