I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
