You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
