He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
