"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
