If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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