my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
