New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
