Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
