Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
