Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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