feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
