i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
