the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
