Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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