we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
