Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
