Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize