Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
