sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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