Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
