Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
