Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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