I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
