The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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