Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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