brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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