Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.

Fav 18 1147 4824
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(336): View more from North Carolina

christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

Fav 27 6211 1377
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(732): View more from New Jersey

wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.

Fav 10 3731 1182
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.

Fav 4 1859 881
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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal

Fav 1 981 660
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.

Fav 6 1328 756
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Cockoligist

(587): View more from Alberta

Yes, one may refer to me as that.

(587): View more from Alberta

I should make business cards.

Fav 8 1189 717
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(815): View more from Illinois

I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something

Fav 1 670 487
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.

(317): View more from Indiana

It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.

Fav 0 8 37
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