he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
