She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
