I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
