HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
