i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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