I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
