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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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