its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You are a genius and a whore.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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