I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
