I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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