I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
