She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
